I have been free of an addiction for almost a year, but I dare not call myself liberated. The demon crawls on the edge of my conscience every day. Some days are worse than others. But the biggest realization is that I made it through withdrawal-hell with the love of my family, my openness to proper medical staff and myself, and with the last piece of confidence left inside me.
No one understands what it’s like to live under the gun. That’s what you basically do each time you shoot, snort, or drink your veins filthy black, place a gun to your head and play Russian Roulette. For a long time it feels better than anything you could ever do or accomplish, until you realize your mind is eroded with a gun to your temple and your world’s crashing. No one seems to care about a person when the addiction takes them.
That is who I hope to respond today. Those with a family member who way out of control. Those addicts the world has given up on. Those people in your family that deserves your love more-so than ever.
It’s easy to give up on someone when you see their life spinning out of control. I know people turned their backs as I did. I was addicted to oxys, more than 200 mg’s a day or so, if I could obtain it. I became hooked after I returned home from Operation Iraqi Freedom and it started out because I wanted to numb my mind from the things I witnessed. As my addiction grew over the years, people stopped talking to me as my physical appearance changed with my behavior. I didn’t recognize the change because I was in a hell that looked like heaven.
My wife became dependant on my addiction to Percocet. I could not function without them. I grew callous, absorbed; I stopped doing things. She should have left me is what she tells me people tell her. And maybe, she should have. But if it hadn’t been for her I would have been dead right now.
Toward the end of it all, when I was seeing what the pills I snorted were doing to me, if it hadn’t been for her love of me I wouldn’t have been able to walk myself into a doctor’s office and ask for help. I remember it was a Monday when she led me by my trembling hand.
Sometimes, that’s all it takes. Love, with a hand. If a person is ready to rid the poisons out of their life they must be ready, if not, go beyond and fight for their life. No matter if you’re hated for it. I would rather be hated and know that someone is alive and well.
There are a variety of clinics out there. You must understand when someone has taken a drug or drank until their genetic code is dependent on that, then that person may have to take a pseudo-narcotic in a step off, or down, plan. It can be expensive, but if that person is purchasing $700 a month in pills or beer, what can $700 a month hurt to help your loved one break that addiction and begin living a productive life.
This is something that takes time and reserves of strength from not only the addict, but people around him or her. There is going to be slip ups. And that is ok, as long as the addict is open and honest about why they did it and knows that because they slipped it doesn’t mean they have to binge.
Heroin and pain meds seem to be out doing crack and meth on the streets by a long shot. Suboxone and Methodone are great alternatives to combat this addiction. I did Suboxone, which my doctor claimed was a better option because Methodone is more addicting and has a longer withdrawal rate. I beat my addiction with Suboxone in less than six months, though I was scheduled for a year. I wanted nothing more than to be clean.
Since being clean, my appearance and thought process have improved greatly. I have found ways to be high on life. I have gotten more work done. Remember your addict may have changed, but that is the drug masking their personality.
I am willing to talk with anyone with an addiction or anyone who wants to help someone they love conquer an addiction. Remember it takes love, willingness, and patience. Going clean cannot happen without these three things.